Monthly Archives: May 2012

Online dating profile demo… what to fill in the blank

English: U-Haul van being refueled on the Rout...

English: U-Haul van being refueled on the Route 1 Bypass in Portsmouth, NH (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

Hi there!  Figured I should accrue the online dating “tips” posts…so with that, I give you: the demo portion.

In trying to set up multiple online dating profiles, I found a good base is key.  The base in the online dating world would be your profile’s demo…as in demographics, section.  Here is the thing, if you cannot define yourself correctly as well as what it is you are looking for, then you cannot be surprised when you are disappointed time and time again when meeting your online date in person.  I’m talking about every date… most will be disappointed in some of their in-person meetings.

When you sign up for an online dating site, you are required to fill out information about yourself, including general demographics (ie: age; height; body type…), as well as what you are looking for in a partner (also age range; height range; body type).

 

The demo portion is simple in theory but can be difficult for some.  Let’s discuss.

Your “about” section:

 

  1. Age: First and foremost, you need to be honest about yourself.  If you are 45 years old, please put that you are 45 years old.  I once came across a profile of a guy I dated back in the day and he put himself as being 10 years younger than what he actually was…say what?!  10 years is a decade.  Sure he worked out and could pass… on a foggy day, but what if the girl he starts dating comes across his license stating he’s the same age as her dad?  (did I mention he liked younger girls?)  That’s bad for all parties involved.  A couple years, fine…as long as you come clean about it in the first 2 dates.  Case in point, my sister is 36 but put she’s 35 so her profile can come up in the younger age demo.  She revealed this little lie to her beau on the first date.
  2. Body: The same rule applies to height and body type.  Guys, please put your actual height.  We can tell you stretched the truth if your height is off by more than 2 inches.  Ladies, please put your actual body type.  It’s ok if you put “average”.  Just put up bangin’ (yet realistic), photos of yourself. Photo tips here
  3. Location, location, location: As far as where you are located, it’s ok to put the zip of a neighboring town (safety reasons and all), but please do not put you live in one state as you are packing a Uhaul to move to another state cross country.  I once made plans to meet a guy and he not only forgot about the date when I called to confirm a meeting place (which is a must…call to confirm always), he admitted he was getting ready to move to Miami (I was in NY at the time)!  Guess he was looking for a quickie.
  4. Money: Now we get into the income range, which can be tricky.  Some people are ok with sharing that detail while others are not.  I myself am not but I’m funny when it comes to money…oh yes, I rhymed on purpose.  If you do not put an actual numeric range, put at least what it is you do, whether it be a student, tech, nurse, whatever so the person you are hoping to attract will get a better idea of who they’re meeting.  There are serious daters out there that sift right past profiles with not enough information, especially the job/income area, so be sure to at least have one or the other.
  5. Etc: As far as the other stuff in the “about you” section, just fill out the basics like hair color, pets, *etc… No need to go into deep, paragraph long, detail, cause then it seems like you write way too much.  Fill out enough so the person on the other end can a basic idea of you.

 

Now we get to the “about him/her” section:

 

  1. Age: Put what it is you are looking for but in doable ranges.  For instance, you are looking for a guy 30-40… not “any” and not 35-37.  See the difference?  You want to cast a wide enough net where you get suitable pickins’…yes, I did get all country which is odd since I’m born and raised in NY, but not a huge net that you really are going out blind
  2. Body: Height, hair, astrological sign,… usually sites have check off lists for that so check all that apply.  Body type, try to put in at least two body types.  Don’t just put “athletic”, put in “athletic” and “average”.  I think 3 to 4 body types are a good range.  Plus, you can get a better idea by the pictures they post
  3. Money: Again, tricky… I didn’t put an income range that I was looking for, but one of my friends insisted because she didn’t want “cheap-asses” contacting her.  To this, I say cheap asses come in all shapes, sizes, and income ranges.  There is a rule I go by, if you post you are looking for a certain income, then put down what your income is.  I’ll show you mine if you show me yours
  4. *Etc: Smoking, drinking, pets, …please be honest!  These are such simple demos.  If you smoke, say you smoke.  If you are trying to quit, still check off “smokes” and then you can put down “trying to quit” in the little blurb area underneath

Kids/marital status… very big deal in both sections.  Here, honesty is the best policy of what you have and what you’re looking for…no ranges in this category.

Any profile writing advice/things that were missed?  Would love to hear from you!

The reason men do not approach women…mystery revealed

dan

This really isn’t “Dan”, just fear itself (Photo credit: emdot)

Happy Memorial Day!  Hope everyone is enjoying their long weekend and giving plenty of thanks to those that have served/are serving our country.  Hubby and I visited Washington DC this weekend and took in all of this nations history-rich memorials.  Such an amazing experience, especially now that I’m able to understand and retain historical knowledge, as opposed to the last time I was in DC (which was during my 8th grade trip).

With our mini-getaway, there was some drinking.  Some of that drinking was done at a Russian type lounge.  Loved it there!  How can I not especially after running into an ethnically Asian guy who was culturally Russian.  Apparently, he liked to hang out in front of the woman’s bathroom and chat up the ladies.  Smart!

I also met these other two guys, let’s call them Dan and Stan.  As hubby and I were drinking and people watching, we noticed them getting a little friendly with these two pretty girls at a nearby table.  It was an exciting scene being there to witness a possible love connection.  After the girls left, I approached both Dan and Stan for possible blog banter… hence the birth of he below.

Dan was blonde while Stan was a brunette.  Both seemed dapper in their DC style sports-coats and button down shirts.  I approached the both of them stating I was writing a book on online dating and relationships in general and was wondering how their conversation with the two pretty ladies went and how they approached them.  Dan was the chattier type (especially in comparison to the silent and stoic Stan).  He informed me that it was actually one of the ladies that started up a conversation with them, stating “that looks good” to a meal/drink Dan and Stan were having (forgot which because of red wine syndrome).  After some more digging around, turns out Dan admitted to being on match.com.  This was music to my ears since I’m a big fan.  The conversation turned as to why.

Dan started stating it was easier to meet the fairer sex online (which is correct), and that he rarely meets women the traditional way.  When I cut to the chase and asked him about his pick up skills, he stated there was none.  You see, Dan whole hardheartedly admitted to his unwillingness to go and approach the ladies.  Huh?  Why?  Turns out it’s his fear of rejection.  I immediately went back in time to my dating days and realized that I too was a victim of the unconfident male phenomenon.

The mystery had just been solved.  To those ladies out there wondering why no one approaches them in approachable places (even with plenty of flowing booze around to lighten apprehensions), it’s because today’s men have lost their grit and replaced it with unbridled fear.  It’s interesting how this fear only resonates with attractive guys you want coming up to you.  Turns out the unattractive/old/crazy men of the world are unphased as to this type of thinking.

Dan stated his fear manifested and grew after hearing his female friends make fun of guys that approach them, thus increasing his possible rejection meter.  Stan just sat there (probably because he already had a girlfriend and couldn’t care less or he was living up to his strong but silent personality).

After some back and forth, I reassured Dan (and Stan), that everyone gets rejected.  Going up to women is half the battle.  It’s the confidence that turns us on!  So for those Dans and Stans out there

How to approach a woman in person:

  1. Make eye contact… not creepy eye contact, just brief eye contact paired with a smile
  2. Walk up to the girl you are making eye contact with… you can go up to the girl if she is alone or with a group of friends.  If the latter, your uber confident gold stars rack up
  3. If the girl you like has an annoying friend, make nice with the friend… don’t shun the buddy because if the friend doesn’t like you, she will cock-block you like her life depended on it
  4. Offer to buy the girl you like a drink… if you don’t, then we think you’re cheap.  Sorry guys, I know it’s shallow, but that’s life
  5. If you’re really nice, offer to buy the annoying friend a drink too… this almost guarantees a gold star
  6. When approaching, do not say cheesy pick up lines or act overtly-cocky (no need to tell us you own a fleet of ships, “Do you like boats?  Well I own a fleet”…Huh?… true story)… make like the pretty girls did in the example above and start a conversation…it’s simple, yet effective
  7. If the girl you are eying does not like you, move on… no sense in wasting both of your time.  And whatever you do, do not try to pick up one of her friends after obviously trying to pick her up and being turned down… that’s a creeper move that only Mike “the Situation” can pull with 18 year olds at the shore
  8. If the girl likes you, ask questions about herself and listen… do not only talk about yourself
  9. Exchange numbers and call her back if you’re still interested

If you’re still hesitant, make like the Asian/Russian guy and practice your skills on live females by hanging out in front of the girls bathroom and randomly starting conversations.  Ladies can’t ignore you for fear of losing their place in line.  There you can practice all you want until your confidence level builds, or a bouncer kicks you out.

Or you can go online and continue reading my blog for tips

Ladies, would love to hear some pick me up stories (both on and offline)

Gentlemen, what are your thoughts on the above?

Would love to hear from you!

Special thanks to Dan and Stan for solving the age old mystery and being good sports to a semi-drunk online dating blogger!

Online dating safety tips

The Law

The Law (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hello there!  Todays blog topic will address safety in the online dating world…or really any online arena via it be FB, twitter, 4square, and whatever else is out there.  Maybe I should have started this sooner considering all the horror stories you hear, but I run off on tangents and have no apparent order in anything I do.  Any-whooo… safety first!

When meeting a complete stranger, it’s pretty normal to be feeling some sort of trepidation about the overall first “date”.  Sure, you might be nervous and think what if he/she doesn’t like me?  What if they are not at all like I pictured? (most veteran online daters can attest to this after being bamboozled by a bad live version of their expected date), etc… But, surprisingly in this day and age, there are some daters out there who have no underlying fear of the “what if”.  What if the guy is a murderer/rapist/sadistic freak?  Quite honestly, you never know.  So for those Evel Knievels of the online dating world, I present you with the below

Safety tips:

  1. Make sure the person you are meeting has more than one picture on their profile…this is not only a safety precaution (so cops can get a better idea of whom to look for instead of one fuzzy pic of a guy on a mountain), but also so you have a better idea of who you are meeting…good, bad, and all
  2. Have at least 2 conversations with the person before you meet… might not be a hot 20something you’re meeting, but a 50year old Washington St. tranny.  You can tell a lot from a voice.  You can also sense “creepy”, especially if the person has no social skills.  Note: I say at least 2 conversations because anyone can seem exciting over phone meeting #1…it is after all, your first time talking.  But no more than 5 conversations.  If you’re serious about dating, don’t waste your time in virtual space
  3. Tell a close (live, not another online buddy), safety friend/family member who you are meeting and where… “Hey, I’m meeting a guy named Oliver Martinez (Yowza!), and we’re meeting at Roco‘s  Tacos this Saturday at 8.  Send safety friend the person’s name, number, meeting place, and if possible a link to the person’s profile.
  4. Meet in a public place… I hope this is an obvious one as to why
  5. If you happen to get a little freaky the first night, that’s ok (as long as you use protection), but text/call your friend and let them know so the cops aren’t out looking for your freaky ass and find you pre-walk of shame in some strangers bed
  6. If you don’t get your freak on, text/call your friend letting them know you’re alive and well
  7. Don’t give any overall personal information like credit card numbers, pin id’s, loans for dying grandmothers, or the like… please don’t fall for it.  I think it’s pretty obvious not to until I see Chris Hansen‘s Dateline documentary showcasing these poor people give away their life savings

Any safety tips missing?  What about horror stories?  Would love to hear from you!

 

 

Debbie Downers in online dating… womp womp

Debbie Downer

Debbie Downer (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hola!  For those that read my previous post, our neighbor just informed us he has bees in his walls.  Sheesh… if it’s not mutant cockroaches, rats, or termites, it’s bees.  Yes, still venting cause I’m still a little steamed… but also because I think it makes for a nice segway into todays blog topic: The Debbie Downers of online dating.

Time and time again I’ve come across pseudo as well as just plain angry rants on people’s profiles.  This holds true for both men and women.  As stated previously, I not only man hunt for my single ladies out there, I also check out their fellow female competition.  I read things like: “not looking for a slut”, “no cheaters allowed”, “no drug addicts, please”, and the like.  Why would anyone take the time to write that?

Isn’t it obvious you aren’t looking for a slut?  And even if you think by writing a no slut request in your blurb is going to stop them (hoochie mamas), from contacting you, chances are it won’t because just like stupid (or dim, stupid’s a little harsh) people don’t realize they’re stupid (dim, dim…hate that word but felt it made more of an impact), sluts don’t realize they are slutty.

The same holds true for “no cheaters allowed”.  Cheaters have no morals when it comes to lying.  In fact, the word cheater is defined as A person who acts dishonestly in order to gain an advantage.(Thank you Wiki).  If a person is in fact a cheater, they will not stop contacting you because you wrote you did not want a cheater.  If you are to their liking, they will act dishonest, tell you they are valiant, true, and of course have been cheated on themselves “so they would never even think of cheating”, in order to get what they want.  (Haven’t we all heard that line)?  It’s part of who they are.

And the “no drug addicts, please” request… yes, noted… you do not want a drug addict to contact you.  Good point.

When writing statements like the above, it tells fellow online perspectives out there that you have been hurt by either a slut, cheater, or drug addict… or a slutty drug addict who cheated on you.  But most importantly, it subconsciously tells the reader that you are still hurt by your last relationship and that you are still bitter about it.  Maybe too bitter to go out with??

Bottom line is, we’ve all been hurt, but the key thing is that we learn from our experience and move on.  No sense in rehashing the past.  Also, no sense in stating the obvious things that you don’t want in a mate.

And while we’re on the subject, I see a lot of debbie downer statements too.  Like, “I’ve been hurt and online dating is my last resort”, “I’m just a nice guy that can’t seem to find the right girl out there”… “I can’t find a good girl that will take me seriously”… When most people go online, it’s usually after them not meeting anyone worth their while in person.  That is the beauty of online dating, you all are pretty much in the same boat so no need to write out the obvious.  Instead, follow the below:

  1. Write a little about yourself and your hobbies
  2. Write a little about who you are looking to date
  3. Leave out all negative statements… even little things.  You can tell her “I hate to read” in person and have her react to it then… that way you can keep it in context.  ie You hate to read books… but love reading nutritional information on the back of cereal boxes?  You hate to read historical novels…but love to read Wired magazine?  You hate to read online dating blogs… but love to paint nudes??

When looking at hundreds of profiles at a time, you want yours to stand out in a good way.

What are some statements that turned you off to a profile?  Would love to hear your thoughts/comments!

Venting rant for a rainy Tuesday

English: Joe Pesci in 2009.

Hi there!  The below is purely to unleash:

I hate termites.  I also hate my property manager.  Let me give you a little background… I live in a townhouse connected to 5 other units.  If one of us has a problem, chances are, we all have the same problem.  This holds particularly true with infestations.  A few months after we moved into our unit, we started hearing noises in the attic.  Ghosts?  No, they were rats.  That’s right, rats.  I used to live in NYC and even then rats stayed in the subway like they’re supposed to, never inside my personal dwelling.  On top of rats (which thank God I never saw face to face like Joe Pesci did in “The Super“, I started seeing these giant ass cockroaches.  They were so big, that they could be mistaken for small brown birds.  Again, even in the lowdown city, I rarely saw roaches that big… mostly normal size cockroaches sufficed.  Apparently, down in Florida, everything is supersized.

Anyways, all 6 units payed a small fortune to get our place tented for rats, mutant cockroaches, and of course termites (which were spotted in one of our neighbors place).  For those fortunate enough to never have gone through tenting, this means they literally put a giant circus tent (yes, stripes and all (seriously)), over your dwelling.  You have to evacuate all living things for a few days, including house plants.  You also have to make sure anything edible is sealed, put in special plastic bags, and refrigerated.  Why the same set of rules didn’t apply to dishware is beyond me.  All in all, it was a headache.

Fast forward a few months to me swatting down what looked to be flying ants… aka termites.  After looking around the rest of the house, I spot what seems to be hundreds of wings on the floor…ewwwww.  I call (and follow up via several emails), with my property manager to no avail.  This happens to be the same property manager who works with an accounting firm that “accidentally” put my maintenance check toward the credit of another unit and sent me a notice saying my maintenance wasn’t paid.  Only after investigation (on my part), was the matter resolved.

Finally, after my building captain got a hold of them, they call me back and schedule an appointment anywhere from 8-10am.  No problem.  As predicted, no one shows.  I call again.  “They are in the area but are running late”  Ok,  why didn’t they just call and tell me that (I wondered in my head).  Over an hour goes by and I call again.  “Ok, they’re on their way”.

Is it just me or am I the only one who has a sense of urgency when it comes to basic business practices?  So… the guy comes and he seems mad at ME!  How is this possible?  Isn’t it his job to come on time?  If anyone should be upset, it’s the lady who shelled out a bijillion dollars to a termite company that didn’t work a few months prior.

So after some snooping around, he found a possible hotspot which he treated.

Wish me luck!

I know this is off the beaten path that is online dating but needed to vent out.

Has anyone out there had a termite problem before?  Do they ever just go away?  What about faulty property managers?

Thanks!

Bad reactions to online dating…and how to overcome them

Hi Bloggers!  Hope you all had a great weekend…can’t believe how quickly time flys by.  I feel the older I get, the faster the time goes.  Coincidentally, the amounts of ailments I have also increase…(I speak of food allergies, wrinkes, and of course fat in all the wrong places).

A poster for Team Conan, created during the To...

A poster for Team Conan, created during the Tonight Show controversy of 2010 and depicting Conan O’Brien in greyscale with orange (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Let me bring up what I’ve been hearing from many who have tried online dating including myself…and that is the utter, gut wrenching disappointment.  Don’t worry, this is a completely normal human emotion that is common to the online daters of the world.  It is only possible in the online dating arena that a person can elicit feelings of embarrassment, disappointment, rejection, appall, surprise, shock, and annoyance in a short amount of time.  This of course leads us to question why we are even online…much less paying a monthly membership fee.

I’ll take you through the (normal), feelings of despair below and explain why you have to overcome them:

Bad feelings:

  1. Embarrassment:  Yes, you have to post your face on the worldwide web.  This is how you meet people that are also posting their face online.  If it makes you feel better, imagine the world is a giant singles bar and you are innocently going out for a drink (or a non alcoholic beverage if you don’t drink).  It is only in your head that all will recognize you as you walk the streets.  In reality, if anyone recognizes you, it will be less than a handful of people and that is only because they too are at the same bar
  2. Disappointment:  You would think that with millions of singles in your chosen 50mile radius, there would be more attractive people.  Unfortunately, there are not… or the attractive people have chosen unattractive pictures and scary profile names deeming them a loser (note, as I’m on match.com looking for a perfect example of a cheesy name to use, I stumbled upon a guy who posted what looks to be a close up shot of his high school graduation … I don’t get it), his user name is pretty generic though.  If you are serious about online dating, you really have to weed through all profiles to find a good match.  This requires a lot of work and necessary “man hours”.  You don’t have to read every single word that you see in a profile, just scan through them.  After the first few lines or so, you can usually sense “crazy”.  If you do, no need to continue reading (unless you want to giggle).  Move on, then when you find a gem, save him/her to your favorites list (tool most sites provide).  You literally press a button on the guys/girls profile that say “save to favorites”
  3. Rejection:  Why are the people I “winked” at/sent an email to not responding?  Many many reasons.  Maybe they only like people who are in the circus, maybe they are married and only like to scout, maybe the “guy” you thought you were reaching out to is really a bored old lady (who happens to love online dating profiles??  I know, it’s a reach cause I had a brain freeze and couldn’t think of anything else).  After creating my “favorites pile” of the creme dela creme of guys I wanted to meet, I had around 50 profiles. I went down the list and “winked” at all of them at once.  Remember, you are in a giant bar and you just made eye contact (ie wink).  Out of those 50 guys, only a handful or so winked/emailed back.  What?!  How is this possible?  I’m a gorgeous supermodel with the brain of a scientist and the wit of Conan O’Brian (I would tell myself).  How can no one want me?  The reasons are endless, but you have to get over them otherwise you’ll wind up back where you started (but much angrier)
  4. Appalled:  I tend to attract crazy people…even to this day.  Why, who knows.  Maybe its my giant hair that lures them in like mosquitoes to a lamp.  Online, I not only attracted the crazies, I also attracted the unnattractive grandfathers of the world.  They would love to send me their declarations of love.  So on top of feeling dissappointed because the guys I liked didn’t respond, I was further frustrated because the ones I didn’t, would.  I started feeling less than my amazing self
  5. Surprised/shocked/annoyed:  When connections did happen from online to the real world, I was in disbelief meeting some of these guys.  Many, if not most (at least the guys I met), would post old photos of themselves when they were in the prime of their lives.  When meeting them in person, they looked like their own bad version.  I felt deceived and annoyed wasting my time with a liar.  I will never understand why people post things that are untrue about them.  Do they think that when they meet a person, that person will not realize they are shorter and wider than what they portrayed?  This also holds true personality wise.  After having great email/phone correspondence before meets, my dates went mute in person.  Going on a bunch of bad dates is normal.  Its life, you just have to move on and not go on any second dates with these guys

If you read and absorb nothing else, remember this, it’s a numbers game.

You have to be in it to win it…sounds offensive but it’s true.  Note: this does not mean you have to sleep with a mass amount of people (I was thinking more dinner/coffee/ that sort of thing) …however if you do, that’s your business, just keep it safe so you don’t single handedly start a new epidemic.

The above are the main annoyances of the online dating world (with I’m sure many in between).  But once you get past all that and keep dating, you could be:

  • Wonderfully surprised… and who knows where that can lead in the future

What are some of the disappointments you felt online dating?  How about any success stories?

An easy way to tell if a guy is into you (even in today’s cyberspace age)

Greg Behrendt with The Reigning Monarchs

Greg Behrendt with The Reigning Monarchs (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hey everyone!  The other day I was watching “He’s just not that into you” on TV.  This is a movie based on comedian Greg Behrendt (who I saw live during a stand up routine and is absolutely, positively hillarrioouuusss), self help book which he co-wrote with Liz Tuccillo.  The movie summarizes if and when a guy likes you based on what he is or isn’t doing.

The thought behind it is so simple yet so genius.

You can tell if a guy (or really anyone), isn’t into you when:

  1. If a guy doesn’t call you, he’s not into you
  2. If a guy doesn’t ask for your number and in turn gives you his business card for you to call him, he’s not into you
  3. If a guy acts like a douche, he’s not into you

you get the idea.

Anyways, this movie got me reminiscing about my girlfriends and I and the crap we used to tell eachother when the guys we liked acted like jerks.  We couldn’t fathom that these guys just didn’t like us so we made up elaborate excuses justifying their douchy behavior.  The sad part was, we actually believed these lies.  We believed they “were too busy at work” or “not a phone person” when they wouldn’t call when they said they would.

A good quote to go by is:

“I’m about to make a wild, extreme and severe relationship rule: the word busy is a load of crap and is most often used by assholes. The word “busy” is the relationship Weapon of Mass Destruction. It seems like a good excuse, but in fact in every silo you uncover, all you’re going to find is a man who didn’t care enough to call. Remember men are never to busy to get what they want.”  ―    Greg Behrendt

The reminiscing I am referring to happened when text messaging first came into existence.  Nowadays, there are so many ways to get in contact by not really getting in contact.  How does anyone know who likes whom?  Right?  Wrong!  The same rules still apply.

Ladies, if a guy really likes you, he will find a way to call you and speak with you directly.  If he continues to Facebook/text/im/bbm you in lieu of having a conversation… odds are, he has a secret family stashed somewhere and it’s time to move on.

Here is a tricky question: what if the guy you like calls you but only to hang out after 9pm?  This means you are his booty call.  I may be old school, and yes, there may be some exceptions out there, but as a general rule… people usually make plans for dates (meaning at least a day ahead of time).  If a guy is calling you after the sun goes down and restaurants (as well as most delis), are closed, he just wants to play a little grab-ass.  He may want to “look at the stars under the night sky”, but he could have fed you beforehand… move on.

Ladies, have you ever been the victim of a “fake out”?  What made you get over him?

Gentlemen, have you?

Would love to hear your stories!