The reason men do not approach women…mystery revealed


This really isn’t “Dan”, just fear itself (Photo credit: emdot)

Happy Memorial Day!  Hope everyone is enjoying their long weekend and giving plenty of thanks to those that have served/are serving our country.  Hubby and I visited Washington DC this weekend and took in all of this nations history-rich memorials.  Such an amazing experience, especially now that I’m able to understand and retain historical knowledge, as opposed to the last time I was in DC (which was during my 8th grade trip).

With our mini-getaway, there was some drinking.  Some of that drinking was done at a Russian type lounge.  Loved it there!  How can I not especially after running into an ethnically Asian guy who was culturally Russian.  Apparently, he liked to hang out in front of the woman’s bathroom and chat up the ladies.  Smart!

I also met these other two guys, let’s call them Dan and Stan.  As hubby and I were drinking and people watching, we noticed them getting a little friendly with these two pretty girls at a nearby table.  It was an exciting scene being there to witness a possible love connection.  After the girls left, I approached both Dan and Stan for possible blog banter… hence the birth of he below.

Dan was blonde while Stan was a brunette.  Both seemed dapper in their DC style sports-coats and button down shirts.  I approached the both of them stating I was writing a book on online dating and relationships in general and was wondering how their conversation with the two pretty ladies went and how they approached them.  Dan was the chattier type (especially in comparison to the silent and stoic Stan).  He informed me that it was actually one of the ladies that started up a conversation with them, stating “that looks good” to a meal/drink Dan and Stan were having (forgot which because of red wine syndrome).  After some more digging around, turns out Dan admitted to being on  This was music to my ears since I’m a big fan.  The conversation turned as to why.

Dan started stating it was easier to meet the fairer sex online (which is correct), and that he rarely meets women the traditional way.  When I cut to the chase and asked him about his pick up skills, he stated there was none.  You see, Dan whole hardheartedly admitted to his unwillingness to go and approach the ladies.  Huh?  Why?  Turns out it’s his fear of rejection.  I immediately went back in time to my dating days and realized that I too was a victim of the unconfident male phenomenon.

The mystery had just been solved.  To those ladies out there wondering why no one approaches them in approachable places (even with plenty of flowing booze around to lighten apprehensions), it’s because today’s men have lost their grit and replaced it with unbridled fear.  It’s interesting how this fear only resonates with attractive guys you want coming up to you.  Turns out the unattractive/old/crazy men of the world are unphased as to this type of thinking.

Dan stated his fear manifested and grew after hearing his female friends make fun of guys that approach them, thus increasing his possible rejection meter.  Stan just sat there (probably because he already had a girlfriend and couldn’t care less or he was living up to his strong but silent personality).

After some back and forth, I reassured Dan (and Stan), that everyone gets rejected.  Going up to women is half the battle.  It’s the confidence that turns us on!  So for those Dans and Stans out there

How to approach a woman in person:

  1. Make eye contact… not creepy eye contact, just brief eye contact paired with a smile
  2. Walk up to the girl you are making eye contact with… you can go up to the girl if she is alone or with a group of friends.  If the latter, your uber confident gold stars rack up
  3. If the girl you like has an annoying friend, make nice with the friend… don’t shun the buddy because if the friend doesn’t like you, she will cock-block you like her life depended on it
  4. Offer to buy the girl you like a drink… if you don’t, then we think you’re cheap.  Sorry guys, I know it’s shallow, but that’s life
  5. If you’re really nice, offer to buy the annoying friend a drink too… this almost guarantees a gold star
  6. When approaching, do not say cheesy pick up lines or act overtly-cocky (no need to tell us you own a fleet of ships, “Do you like boats?  Well I own a fleet”…Huh?… true story)… make like the pretty girls did in the example above and start a conversation…it’s simple, yet effective
  7. If the girl you are eying does not like you, move on… no sense in wasting both of your time.  And whatever you do, do not try to pick up one of her friends after obviously trying to pick her up and being turned down… that’s a creeper move that only Mike “the Situation” can pull with 18 year olds at the shore
  8. If the girl likes you, ask questions about herself and listen… do not only talk about yourself
  9. Exchange numbers and call her back if you’re still interested

If you’re still hesitant, make like the Asian/Russian guy and practice your skills on live females by hanging out in front of the girls bathroom and randomly starting conversations.  Ladies can’t ignore you for fear of losing their place in line.  There you can practice all you want until your confidence level builds, or a bouncer kicks you out.

Or you can go online and continue reading my blog for tips

Ladies, would love to hear some pick me up stories (both on and offline)

Gentlemen, what are your thoughts on the above?

Would love to hear from you!

Special thanks to Dan and Stan for solving the age old mystery and being good sports to a semi-drunk online dating blogger!


11 responses to “The reason men do not approach women…mystery revealed

  1. I met one of my boyfriends in a bar (which was a big rarity in my friendship group at the time), I am fairly sure he approached me by coming up and dancing with me. I love dancing and he was very good at it. We were together for 6 months until he decided I wasn’t racist enough/traditional house wife material (he was in the army). My friend met a guy at a bar too a year ago with me there, and we were sitting at a couch with two free seats opposite and him and his friend asked to sit down. The guy talking to my friend was lovely and they ended up together. The guy I had to talk to though was old, and smashed and really rude, so can I add another suggestion for guys? Get a decent wingman!!

    • yes…couldn’t agree more! i remember having to entertain many socially awkward wingmen

      • This one asked if the fact my friends dad had died was a good thing. Another wingman I had to deal with was taking our numbers (I wasn’t really interested though), and then wrote out his number minus some digits. I told him I wasn’t going to be ringing random people guessing his number so he crossed it out!

  2. Wow, that’s nuts! Never good to ask if someone is better off dead when trying to hit on a person…Jeeez!

  3. Pingback: How to Start a Conversation With a Girl – Learn How to Stop Being Shy and Chat Up Any Hot Girl! | Girl Hypnotized

  4. I grow very tired of waiting for guys to make a move. If I want to talk to someone, I do it… without expectations… it takes the pressure off of the situation. Occasionally I’ll be bold enough to tell someone I’m interested. It doesn’t always go my way, but I’m not afraid to do it either. Come on, guys… if I can do it, you can do it! Women love bold and confident men!

  5. Women want it both ways, as usual, as if the bold and confident guys do
    not also get rejected. Let the women taste some of this rejection and they will change that tune!

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