Monthly Archives: June 2012

Why daters should not ignore red flags

Flag of pirate Henry Every

Promise… this wont hurt a bit…muhahaha  (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hola!  Let’s discuss online dating, or pretty much any sort of dating red flags.  Red flags are things that should not be ignored.  They are presented in an array of proses, even in sweet whispers that seem innocent enough.  They can be uttered during a romantic dinner, hot make-out session, and even during a child’s birthday party.  Note, most red flags are said cushioned in between harmless phrases.  It can go something like this: “Dang you are so beautiful, I can look at you all day.  Unlike my baby mama who’s driving me crazy.  She’s making a big deal over one little child support I missed.  Can you believe her?  Did you want to order the quesadillas or fried calamari?”  Anyone catch that?  Smooth, right?

For the online daters, some can be detected before a meet.

Red flags can be detected in an online profile: 

  1. Every pic has him/her double fisting drinks
  2. All of his friends seem to be hookers
  3. If over 25, a lot of “!” and “:o)”
  4. Angry and bitter rants of what they are not looking for
  5. Any mention of a disease or drugs
  6. Anything more than a few paragraphs long
  7. Someone in the middle of moving across the country (or world)
  8. When the radius of their search covers North America
  9. No preferences (especially age)

You get the idea…

When you finally chat with the person and they mention things that make you feel a little irksome, don’t plan a second date.  The knot in your stomach is your body’s way of telling you to keep looking elsewhere.

Red flags on a date to look out for:

  1. “My relationships usually end because they think I’m not ambitious enough.”
  2. “My ex-wife is in a psych ward.  She’s crazy and wants the kids back.”
  3. Guy says to girl: “Can I be totally honest?  I slept with a couple guys because I was curious.  What’s the big deal?”
  4. “I have a lot of legal issues right now.”
  5. “I hate people.”
  6. “I hate my life.”
  7. Guy says to girl: “I think you’d look better if your hair was shorter.” (control freak)
  8. Mass alcohol/drug consumption
  9. Attention hog

I’ve either lived through some of the above or know someone who has.  If a red flag is left ignored, the outcome is usually ugly and consists of little mind bombs going off in your head.  That is, until you have a mental break and unload a whole lotta crazy of your own.

What are some red flags you have heard?  Did you ignore them?  What happened?

Would love to hear from you!

 

 

 

 

 

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Before there was online dating, there was… the office romance

PACCAR Financial - Online Services

Dang Mildred, you look hot in that lady suit…I want to rip it off of you with my teeth. But first, let’s finish this ppt or Gibson will have my ass. (Photo credit: TruckPR)

Hello hello!  I was brainstorming about what else to include in the “Before there was online dating….” series, and the light bulb hovering on top of my head lit up.

You know what’s coming, one of the most obvious yet most frequented faux pas.  It’s …the office romance.

Friends and family members have shared their traumatic stories with me regarding the office fling.  My ears perk up in horror, delight…sometimes due to the horror, and shame.  Not to be a priss miss, but I can honestly say that I’ve never, ever, hooked up with anyone I worked with.  Has no one heard the line “Don’t shit where you eat”?  This rule was created specifically for those thinking about getting involved in an office mingle.

Let’s take a scenario: you’re single, horny, and down on yourself because you have no one forced to tell you how gorgeous you are everyday (yes, I have rules at my house).  You’re in your cube when the hot new guy rolls up and starts chatting you up.  Before you know it, he visits your work pod everyday.  You begin flirting back and forth.  You go on long lunches which progress to happy hours.  Then you make out shamelessly under the “What did I do?  I was so wasted umbrella”.  That excuse may have worked once, maybe even twice.  But anymore than that and you know one of you starts developing puppy dog feelings for the other.

If you’re the weaker of the two, you will undoubtedly get hurt when you find out he’s gone to “happy hour” with a few other people.  You’re confused, ashamed, you thought you were meant to be because both of you like your bacon mushy instead of crispy and there can’t be more than two people in the world that like bacon the same way, right?  (true story a desperate soul once told me… I gave her a shrug and a look of bewilderment and sadness).  You begin stalking him and give dirty looks to his cuter “happy hour” companions.

If you’re the stronger of the two, you now have someone giving you death stares from across the office floor, sometimes in conference rooms during brainstorming meetings.  You begin to fear simple things like leaving a cup of coffee on your desk unsupervised and have a strong suspicion of “someone watching you” at all times.

Neither party wins.

Do not hook up with someone you work with because 9 times out of 10, it’s not your soul mate.  Instead, find your soul mate online.

Here are some reasons online dating is better than hooking up with someone at work:

  1. You do not have to air your dirty laundry to HR
  2. You can leave edibles on your desk unattended without fear of someone contaminating them
  3. You can make fun of your date the other night with your office mates without worrying the story will “get back to them”
  4. You can continue to think you are the best looking person in the building
  5. You can meet countless people on an online dating site that work in different offices other than yours

What are some office hook up stories you have?  Did it work out?  If not, how did it end?

Would love to hear from you!

 

Cheddar biscuits made easy…

Hello!  Not too long ago I made these buttery cheddar biscuits and just had to share.  They are filled with cheddar, butter, and all things extra tasty.  Hope you enjoy them as much as I did!:

What you need:

2 cups flour

1 tablespoon baking powder

2 teaspoons salt

1 stick (unsalted) butter…melted and slightly cooled

2 eggs

1 cup extra sharp cheddar (shredded)

1 cup buttermilk (make sure to shake before you pour out)

1 teaspoon onion powder

splash of water

How to do it:

Set oven to 450 degrees.  Melt stick of butter and set aside.  In a large bowl, mix together flour, salt, onion powder, and baking powder until fully combined (I used my fingers).  Set aside.  Then mix the buttermilk with 1 egg until fully combined (used a fork).  Set aside.  Make a well in the center of the flour mixture and combine buttermilk mixture and slightly cooled melted butter.  Mix until all ingredients are incorporated.  Then add the cheese and mix in gently.  Line a baking pan with foil and use either a little left over butter or some oil (I used extra virgin olive oil I had on hand), to grease foil so biscuits don’t stick.  Get an ice cream scoop and place biscuit mixture on pan leaving around 1 inch of space in between each biscuit.  In a separate bowl, mix together remaining egg with a generous splash of water.  Brush egg wash on tops of biscuit for a shiny finish.  Stick in 450 degree oven for around 20-22 minutes.

Cheddar biscuit montage:

First things first, because you are going to be handling cheese, pour yourself a nice glass of wine.  It makes for a happy cook.  Then, get to gratin’

a little cheddar for the biscuits, and a little cheddar for my wine… yum yum yum

You like my housewife cheese grater?  I think my mom found this treasure in the dollar store…it always makes grating a little more fun.

After mixing in the wets into the drys, it’s time to add the cheese!

“Why hello there, nice to meet you.” said the cheese to the flour. “Hey there yourself”

I hate intense clean up, that’s why I take preventative measures like lining my pan with foil.

Use an ice cream scoop for same size biscuits

Look at them getting their bake on in the oven… by the way, house is starting to smell delicious

sizzle sizzle

This is what they looked like out of the oven (22 min or so later)

They only spread out a little

Let them cool a couple minutes.  And then… taaa daaaa

Couldn’t resist…hence the bite mark

So easy to do without any heavy duty cooking equipment needed.  Feed to your spouse, a hot online date you want to make yours, and most importantly…yourself!

Tell me what you think.

Would love to hear from you!

Sometimes it pays… to pay for an online dating membership

A Dental hygienist attends to a patient.

Arggghhh….I just wanted you to look at my teeth.  How much longer is this going to take…arrrhhh?  Uh oh, what was that noise…arrgggg?  (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hello, hello!  Thought it might be a good idea to address online dating sites as a whole.  Like any good saturated market, there are plenty of options to choose from.

I give you a metaphor: Here in South Florida, I get an advertisement in the mail almost  everyday for free dental cleanings.  Guess there are a lot of dentists looking to do pro bono work?  Or a bunch of sadists running around in white lab coats.  Now I ask you, would you get a free dental cleaning OR would you choose a certified dental hygienist/ dentist to go near your pearly whites?

I understand there are people out there who haven’t had their pipes cleaned, teeth cleaned in a while, years in fact, and in serious cases, decades.  Maybe you think it’s a sweet offer because it’s free and you always have the option to just go in for a consultation, just a looksie.  Plus you don’t want gingivitis.  You just want someone to look at your teeth.  But little do you know that every time you go to one of those “free places”, you wind up paying with little parts of your soul.

Online dating sites are similar in manner.  If it’s free, chances are, the selection isn’t so ripe for the pickin’ and you’re most certainly bound to get hurt.

Not saying that paid sites, or certified dentists, are always a sure thing, because trust me, I’ve seen my share of crazies out there too… especially crazies that look nothing like their photos.  But if you are looking for a serious relationship, don’t you want somebody willing to pay the monthly membership fee?

English: A Dentist and her Dental assistant

Oh yeah, this feels great… all this for $35? … a little to the left..that’s it.   (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My sister went on a free site (OK Cupid), and set up a date with what seemed to be a normal guy… next thing you know, he’s telling her sexual fantasies involving dog collars (on the first date mind you), and stated he was looking for a poly amorous relationship, which is a fancy way of saying he’s looking for lots o’ ladies.

I’m sure OK Cupid and other freebee sites out there have a bunch of great candidates (hello, my sister is on that site), but it’s few and far between.  Especially when it comes to their selection of men.  Maybe guys feel it’s a free forum to show their junk?

Anyways, if you insist on finding love on free sites (which always makes for a great blog), then please go on a paid site too.  As always, I promise nothing (I have gone to fancy certified dentists that left me in pain), just better odds.

Take aways:

  1. Go on a free online dating site for blog fodder
  2. Go on a paid online dating site to better your chances of a good date
  3. Do not go to a free dental cleaning no matter how fancy their advertising

What are some online dating sites you are on/have been on? Do you recommend them?  Why or why not?

Would love to hear from you!

Before there was online dating, there was… the guy you met at a bar

Hola!  Per my previous post, the “stalker” topic came up again.  Let me just say, stalkers come in all shapes, sizes, and economic background.  But they have one thing in common…creeeeepppppyyy.  This brings me back to one stalker in particular… Armando.

Bestie and I went to a Halloween party some years ago.  We were both single and looking, in the Meatpacking district (hotspot in downtown Manhattan).  It’s called the meatpacking district for two reasons… the more kosher being, it used to be an area that housed meat markets.  Now the area is crammed with lounges/ high end shops/ and bistros.  The less kosher reason will be left to your imagination.

Back to the Halloween party: we were hanging out, drinking, attempting to look sexy without coming off as trying to look sexy, when all of a sudden 2 guys approached us.  This is rare.  Normally, guys that we are somewhat interested in only look from afar.

We were elated.  The guy talking to me, Armando, whom I nicknamed Scorpio, because he happened to have a giant gold scorpion hanging on his neck, was the more aggressive of the two (which I’m kinda into).  He asked for my number after chatting up a bit.

Scorpio was a riot.  He was dressed as a guido from Long Island as a Halloween costume.  Between his scorpion necklace that was the size of an alarm clock hanging from his neck, white ribbed wife beater, fancy looking denim, and if memory serves me right, poofy vest with a fur collar, of course I said yes to a date!  How could I not with a sense of humor like that?

You like my necklace? Sweet right? I wear it cause I’m a Scorpio. Get it? … a scorpion cause I’m a Scorpio!

When he picked me up a few days later, I realized his outfit was not the costume I thought it once was.  He dressed like that all days of the year.  But this time he had on what looked to be fitted black satin pants with about 100 non functional zippers, a fresh wife beater, and a poofy jacket with a furry hood.  He also had on his scorpion necklace, which I later found out was worn to display his astrological sign “the Scorpio”.

Conversation throughout was ok, maybe cause I was a little tipsy which made it better.  However, after I noticed he only tipped the bartender 1 dollar on 2 drinks, I went from being not interested to not at all interested.  My lack of love only increased when he told me he lived at home, unemployed, and a recovering cocaine addict.

Please note, I am all about recovery and I applaud him for getting his life back on track but I have enough baggage of my own.  Why would I want any more?  And more importantly, why was he wearing satin pants with non functional zippers?  I admit I’m selfish and don’t want to invest time with a recovering anything (did I mention my ex was an addict…yeeesh).  Not about to repeat the dating cycle.

He began calling/texting non stop.  In fear, I ignored him.  He would eventually get the hint, right?  Not right.  He showed up at my job to eat with his male friend (his muscle)?  I used to work in a restaurant and unfortunately told him the name.  Scorpio was pissed, and let me know it (while downing a salad).  I pulled out the most desperate excuse of them all: “My ex and I are trying to get back together.”  My fake excuse worked… the stalking stopped.

Poor guy just wanted to know why I didn’t want a second date.

Here are some reasons online dating is better than meeting someone in a bar:

  1. You get to see your potential date in more than one outfit at a time so you don’t mistake their current outfit for a witty Halloween costume
  2. You generally find out what he/she does, or doesn’t do for a living via their profile
  3. You don’t have to say yes to the first cute guy/girl who approaches (even cute ones are crazy).  Instead, you have many to choose from with just a click of your fingers
  4. Your judgement is always better sober in your living room than drunk in a bar
  5. If you are clearly not interested… at least shoot the guy/girl a text saying so.  Trust me, you don’t want a stalker on your hands.  (This last tip is for both on and offline dating)

I know you have them… what are some of your stalker stories?  Any admitted stalkers out there?  Why do you do it?

Would love to hear from you!

Goals and why it’s important to have one in online dating

Hello there!  Let’s talk about goals.  I feel as though many people that go out really have no set end goal in mind. Examples of this can be: I am looking for a long term relationship, I am looking for a husband, I am looking for a poly-amorous relationship, I am looking for a house boy.  Whatever the goal doesn’t matter.  However, the importance of having one is necessary.

hmmm, what do I want?

I know, I know… there are many that go online just to “see what happens” and if someone comes along, great, but if not, oh well.  Many daters seem to want their relationships to grow organically and … I couldn’t agree with you more!

Relationships should not be forced in any way, shape, or form to avoid combustion.

But having a general idea of what you want can only help you.  For example, if you go online (or even on traditional dates) to find a partner/companion/sex slave…, without any idea of what you want for yourself in the future…what’s the point?  Be honest with yourself.  If you want a sexual relationship, nothing more… say that in your profile “not looking for a serious relationship but would like to have fun”.  Please for the love of God, leave out “… would like to see where this could lead”.  If you are truly looking for just sex, don’t wiggle the carrot to those looking for more.

If you are looking for a serious relationship and you meet one of those “oh, let’s just see what happens after we go back to my place” (after every single date for the past 6 months) types… you know very well that he/she is not up for anything more then a good lay.  Which is fine, but do not think you can change them by being your wonderful self.

If you wind up getting involved with someone who clearly has different relationship goals in mind, move on.

That is why it only makes sense to, at the very least have an end goal in mind.  So you at least know who doesn’t make the short list .

Things to take away:

  1. Set a relationship goal
  2. Stick to the relationship goal
  3. On your profile, do not say “I want a husband in 5 years”.  *BUT* if you are interested in just a casual sex partner , write something like “looking to have a good time” (see the difference).  If you want a serious relationship, you can usually tell by the first date or so whether or not your date wants the same thing

What are some experiences you had with online dating?  Do you agree with the above?  Why or why not?

Would love to hear from you!

For muah?

Thank you http://bridgetclare.wordpress.com/  for nominating me for the Lovely Blogger Award!  My very first award :o)

7 things about me:

1. I hate…, h-a-t-e Terminix.  If you are in South Florida, do not use their service.  They are a complete rip-off and am doing the only thing in my power… writing a bajillion bad reviews online.

2. Am a mix of 1/2 Egyptian and 1/2 Chinese, yet everyone thinks I’m some sort of Spanish (guess it’s the last name I married into)

3. Ants terrify me.  They travel in packs of thousands and are impossible to get rid of

4. A homeless man tried giving me a quarter once because “yer so goood-lookin’“.  Awww, thanks homeless man (I ran away)

5. I am the youngest, oldest, middle, and only child (can anyone figure out how)?  The first two that can answer will have an entire blog written by me dedicated to their greatness

6. Guilty of watching Real Housewives of New Jersey, Mob Wives, and of course My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding… and get upset if I miss an episode

7. Love water but can barely swim

I’m supposed to nominate 15 bloggers? Don’t know how this is possible considering I’ve just tagged 11 in a previous post last week.  I’ve noticed in reading your blogs, most of us nominated/tagged, are part of our own sub-blog clique that has to do with dating and at times angry rants (which I adore)

Many of you have been awarded numerous times since we all seem to have similar humor/likes/dislikes, and the awards stay within our “group”.  So I’m going to do something a little different and troll for newbies!

For those nominated below:  Please spread the joy because everyone secretly loves to get an award!

1. http://livloveblog.wordpress.com/

2. http://igamemom.wordpress.com/

3. http://thebyronicman.com/

4. http://jodiambroseblog.com/ (love her insights)!

5. http://quetesaveur.wordpress.com/

6.http://artgirlnyc.wordpress.com/

7. http://texanaskitchen.com/

8. http://lasylvana.wordpress.com/

9. http://blameitondisney.wordpress.com/ (yes, yes, dating blog but so funny)

10. http://jenniferworrell.wordpress.com/

11. http://courtingmadness.wordpress.com/

12. http://talinorfali.wordpress.com/

13.http://yichinglin.com/

14. http://realwomanshealth.wordpress.com/

15.http://dysfunctionalliteracy.com/

Whew!  :P I apologize if there are any repeats.  For those nominated… take your time.  It’s a lot of blogs to link and don’t forget to tell those nominated that they’ve been nominated.

Thank you for the award…you guys make my day every time I log on!