Goals and why it’s important to have one in online dating

Hello there!  Let’s talk about goals.  I feel as though many people that go out really have no set end goal in mind. Examples of this can be: I am looking for a long term relationship, I am looking for a husband, I am looking for a poly-amorous relationship, I am looking for a house boy.  Whatever the goal doesn’t matter.  However, the importance of having one is necessary.

hmmm, what do I want?

I know, I know… there are many that go online just to “see what happens” and if someone comes along, great, but if not, oh well.  Many daters seem to want their relationships to grow organically and … I couldn’t agree with you more!

Relationships should not be forced in any way, shape, or form to avoid combustion.

But having a general idea of what you want can only help you.  For example, if you go online (or even on traditional dates) to find a partner/companion/sex slave…, without any idea of what you want for yourself in the future…what’s the point?  Be honest with yourself.  If you want a sexual relationship, nothing more… say that in your profile “not looking for a serious relationship but would like to have fun”.  Please for the love of God, leave out “… would like to see where this could lead”.  If you are truly looking for just sex, don’t wiggle the carrot to those looking for more.

If you are looking for a serious relationship and you meet one of those “oh, let’s just see what happens after we go back to my place” (after every single date for the past 6 months) types… you know very well that he/she is not up for anything more then a good lay.  Which is fine, but do not think you can change them by being your wonderful self.

If you wind up getting involved with someone who clearly has different relationship goals in mind, move on.

That is why it only makes sense to, at the very least have an end goal in mind.  So you at least know who doesn’t make the short list .

Things to take away:

  1. Set a relationship goal
  2. Stick to the relationship goal
  3. On your profile, do not say “I want a husband in 5 years”.  *BUT* if you are interested in just a casual sex partner , write something like “looking to have a good time” (see the difference).  If you want a serious relationship, you can usually tell by the first date or so whether or not your date wants the same thing

What are some experiences you had with online dating?  Do you agree with the above?  Why or why not?

Would love to hear from you!


8 responses to “Goals and why it’s important to have one in online dating

  1. Yes I definitely agree. Saying that though, I absolutely hate when guys ask what I am looking for in the first two minutes of a conversation.

  2. “Looking to have a good time”.

    That’s been my cover-up line for casual sex.

    Women kinda catching up to it,so I think it can be modified some.

    • I think that’s a good clue… What other lines are “a tell”? I need someone on the other side for extra intel!

      • You’re the chic!So you tell us what works.

        • when a guy says “not looking for anything serious”, “like to go out with my boys”, “cant stand psycho bitches”… that to me are red flags for those looking for a serious relationship. but another blogger made an excellent point… sometimes guys seem all relaxed then begin the stalking.

          what are some tell tale signs that a guy is not looking for a serious relationship?

  3. Sometimes, I’m not sure which is worse, guys who say they want to “see where things go” and just want casual sex, or those who say they are not interested in a serious relationship and then turn into compulsive texters/stalkers after the first date.

    I’m pretty honest in my online profile. I used to actually come right out and say that I was writing my blog, but I found this attracted a few men who wanted their fifteen minutes of fame. Now I just say that I am just getting back in the dating pool after divorce and so I’m just dating, but nothing serious.

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