Why daters should not ignore red flags

Flag of pirate Henry Every

Promise… this wont hurt a bit…muhahaha  (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hola!  Let’s discuss online dating, or pretty much any sort of dating red flags.  Red flags are things that should not be ignored.  They are presented in an array of proses, even in sweet whispers that seem innocent enough.  They can be uttered during a romantic dinner, hot make-out session, and even during a child’s birthday party.  Note, most red flags are said cushioned in between harmless phrases.  It can go something like this: “Dang you are so beautiful, I can look at you all day.  Unlike my baby mama who’s driving me crazy.  She’s making a big deal over one little child support I missed.  Can you believe her?  Did you want to order the quesadillas or fried calamari?”  Anyone catch that?  Smooth, right?

For the online daters, some can be detected before a meet.

Red flags can be detected in an online profile: 

  1. Every pic has him/her double fisting drinks
  2. All of his friends seem to be hookers
  3. If over 25, a lot of “!” and “:o)”
  4. Angry and bitter rants of what they are not looking for
  5. Any mention of a disease or drugs
  6. Anything more than a few paragraphs long
  7. Someone in the middle of moving across the country (or world)
  8. When the radius of their search covers North America
  9. No preferences (especially age)

You get the idea…

When you finally chat with the person and they mention things that make you feel a little irksome, don’t plan a second date.  The knot in your stomach is your body’s way of telling you to keep looking elsewhere.

Red flags on a date to look out for:

  1. “My relationships usually end because they think I’m not ambitious enough.”
  2. “My ex-wife is in a psych ward.  She’s crazy and wants the kids back.”
  3. Guy says to girl: “Can I be totally honest?  I slept with a couple guys because I was curious.  What’s the big deal?”
  4. “I have a lot of legal issues right now.”
  5. “I hate people.”
  6. “I hate my life.”
  7. Guy says to girl: “I think you’d look better if your hair was shorter.” (control freak)
  8. Mass alcohol/drug consumption
  9. Attention hog

I’ve either lived through some of the above or know someone who has.  If a red flag is left ignored, the outcome is usually ugly and consists of little mind bombs going off in your head.  That is, until you have a mental break and unload a whole lotta crazy of your own.

What are some red flags you have heard?  Did you ignore them?  What happened?

Would love to hear from you!







18 responses to “Why daters should not ignore red flags

  1. I agree with all of these. Some are really obvious. I’ve learned the hard way about more subtle things — he keeps turning the conversation back to himself, a la, “Oh, that’s so interesting about the time you almost died, kind of like when I broke my arm blah blah blah…” Or if guys take themselves too seriously, can’t laugh at themselves (but big difference between self-effacing and self-loathing). Thanks for the list!

  2. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to retire.”

    After I wrote about Man #25, The Karaoke Kripple, one of my readers said that at my age men are either looking for a purse or a nurse. You have to watch out for both.

  3. I’d more view red flags as a hunch.

    Intuition telling you something is wronf;which is almost always right.

  4. thanks for the nice information.http://www.mybigg.com

  5. When the guy goes to great lengths to stress how much he really, really, really still gets on with his ex and they’re great, great, great buddies and – hey – they still go on holiday together. To their honeymoon destination!

  6. I’m afraid I ignored some major red flags in the past and paid serious consequences for it. You’re totally right that daters should not ignore these things. A few for me were, “Oh, I have this mental disorder, but I don’t like taking my medication for it because I like experiencing the ups and downs.” Or “When my ex left me after ten years, she screwed every guy at her workplace….I feel sad sometimes knowing I might never see her again.” And then the most awful has to be “I don’t know if I’m meant for relationships. Sometimes they make me feel caged in.” You wanna know the worst part? All those red flags came from one guy, and I got myself into a bad situation for not being smart and seeing him for who he really was. I’m eventually going to get around to sharing this story because it’s definitely a wacky one with a rather sad ending. We were no longer friends or in contact when it happened, but he ended up committing suicide a little more than a year ago.

  7. Love this post! It takes you a while to work it out so good for you for doing all the hard work already for people who haven’t! 😀

  8. My favorite is when they tell you how they are BEST FRIENDS with the ex!!!!! Especially when they have children. Come on lets be honest.. amicable yes ( after several years of HELL) But best friends? Either hes gay or still in love with the ex and his balls are still wrapped up tightly in her purse!

  9. I agree. Best friends with the ex means she still has custody of his balls or he’s lying and still married.

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