Monthly Archives: July 2012

To list or not to list…

Like I said, an angel made of glitter and buttercream frosting

Hi there!  When it comes to relationship experts, there are some who wholehearily believe in making a list while others treat it like a 4 letter word (which it is, but you know what I mean… a naughty 4 letter word).  List?  What list?  The one I am referring to, of course, is the relationship checklist.

Do any of you watch “Miss Advised” on Bravo?  In a nutshell, it’s a reality show.  One of the millions showcased on Bravo, which has become a reality television haven.  This show follows a sex radio-show host from San Francisco, a matchmaker from NY, and a relationship columnist from LA.

Coming from someone who missed about half the episodes, it seems like all three ladies have some sort of say on how to catch their perfect guy which may or may not involve a checklist.  They are all single.  I think they are still single.  It’s hard to tell with some of the previews.  Being that no one is really further than the other in a relationship, you can’t really say who is right or wrong based on their checklist opinion.

I myself used a checklist.  It was brief and included thing like “good family values” and “motivated”.  It also included “must be a few inches taller than me” and “good-looking”.  I’m only human.

But then I went back and underlined, or circled (the list was conceived many years ago), non-negotiables.  Non-negotiables are things that are an absolute must.   I underlined or circled “good family values”, “motivated”, and crossed my fingers when it came to the other stuff.

In short, a list can only help.  Think of it as Oprah’s Dream Board.  You know she is an angel made of glitter and buttercream frosting, so she can’t be wrong.

List tips:

  1. Write out a concise list however short or long you want
  2. Underline or circle, all the non-negotiables.  These are things that a potential match must have.  This means if an incredible drug dealer came along but “not a drug dealer” was one of your non-negotiables, you cannot overlook this fact and go out with him/her regardless of how incredible they are
  3. Cross your fingers, toes, and eyes for all the other stuff
  4. While your eyes are crossed, take a breath and realize that it is nearly impossible for everyone to meet 100% of what is on your list.  He/she may exist, but they are probably in a cave somewhere getting ready to be cloned by some foreign army since they are too perfect for the world.  If so, it is even less likely you will ever meet him/her
  5. Non-negotiables should be an attainable short list, ie: hair and eye color are prime examples of negotiables
  6. Uncross fingers, toes, and eyes and visualize this person
  7. If you haven’t had any luck with traditional dating, join an online dating site stat, and get to work

Pretend you’re a love Santa… make a list, check it twice, eliminate naughty and go out with nice… (oh yes I truly am that corny)

Have any of you used a list?  Did it work/ not work?

Would love to hear from you!

*help me rule the world and follow me on twitter: @angiegomez1010 *

Everything but the kitchen sink… moist turkey meatballs

Double, double toil and trouble…  or rather, bubble bubble boil and nibble

Hola!  Today I’ll share hubby’s favorite dish… Everything but the kitchen sink… moist turkey meatballs.

Now, you can get the 100% lean turkey meat, but the way I figure, turkey is naturally lean so I usually get the one with a little fat left in there.

Plus, a little fat makes your tastebuds do back flips… which can feel a little strange since the inside of your mouth is a rather small enclosed space.

If you do use the leanest of meats, veggies will add extra moisture, meaning fun front flips in your mouth to balance out the fatty back flips.

Use whichever turkey package is on sale.  The end result is always delicious.

What you need for meatballs:

1 package of ground turkey

1/2 onion diced (I use a yellow Spanish onion cause they’re sweeter and less expensive)

1 large bell pepper or a bunch of sweet peppers different colors (diced, should be about 1 cup)

1 zucchini (diced, should be about 1/2 – 3/4 cup)… feel free to substitute portabella mushrooms (same amount)

1 teaspoon dried parsley

1 teaspoon kosher salt

1/2 teaspoon black pepper

1/4 cup seasoned Italian breadcrumbs

1/2 cup grated parmeson cheese

2 large eggs

1/2 cup chopped fresh parsley

Sauce:

1 jar of vodka pasta sauce

5 cloves of garlic (sliced or minced)… feel free to use less garlic, but personally, I can eat garlic cloves whole without flinching.  That’s how deep my love runs.

It also makes me the opposite of a vampire.  Get it?  Vampires hate garlic and I love it.

1/2 onion diced (you can use the remaining half from the meatballs)

2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil (EVOO)

1/2 cup sliced zucchini or portabella mushrooms (whatever you used in the meatballs)

What to do:

In large pot, heat up EVOO.  Saute onions on medium heat for 5 minutes.  Add whatever vegetable you choose.  Add garlic.  Stir until fragrant.  Add jar of vodka sauce.  Mix and heat until simmering.

In large separate bowl, mix in all ingredients under “meatball” list except for fresh parsley (reserve that on the side).  Once mixture is incorporated, ball up meatballs (any size you want), but mine are about 1 1/2 tablespoon in size.

Next just drop them into simmering vodka sauce.  It’s easiest if you drop them around along the sides first and work yourself towards the center.

Cover with lid for about 1/2 hour on medium heat (sauce should be bubbling slightly).  After 1/2 hour, flip meatballs.  Reduce heat to low.  Add reserved parsley and let simmer for 45 minutes on low with lid on.

Feel free to add whatever type of cooked pasta to pot after meatballs are fully cooked through and mix all together.  I usually add whole wheat thin spaghetti… or…garlic bread :o)

yumz

Serve, drizzle EVOO, and parm on top and eat…yum yum yum.

Make this for your family, online date, non-online date, friends, enemies, frenemies, school board, classmates, political candidates (that you love of course), and especially yourself…yum yum yum!

Plus leftovers are great…especially on pizza!

Tell me what you think…would love to hear from you!

*help me rule the world and follow me on twitter: @angiegomez1010 *

Forced relationships… are they worth it?

I want you… right. now.

Hi there!  In some responses I’ve received over my last post as well as reading through some of your own posts, a new blog idea developed.  Today’s blog topic will be: Should I make out with an ugly nice guy?  Or the more kosher title: Forced relationships… are they worth it?  The short answer to that is no.

Let me take you back many many years ago when I was forced into dating an ugly duckling.

Many moons ago… in highschool, I was friends with this guy.  He was very sweet, gave me anything I asked for, kept up his grades, and seemed to have unusually great chemistry with anyone of authority (ie: teachers, parents, and local police loved his kiss assy ways… maybe he grew up into a sleazy politician?).    However, he was not what you would call classically handsome.

Over the course of our friendship, I started noticing his eyes would glaze over when he looked at me.  Much like a puppy’s eyes when he’s about ready to eat some chow, or a dog in heat…your pick.  It was probably the belly shirt my mother didn’t know I  had on.

Eventually, he asked me out.  Asked me out?  Yuck!  I would never go out with someone like him (I told a group of my closest girlfriends).  Is he serious?  My guilt told me I should go out on one date with him (apparently, I was a social worker even at a young age).

It was pleasant enough…. until he dropped me off in front of my door, and gave me a quick peck on the mouth…  right then and there, I immediately felt like barfing.

Am I exaggerating?  No, not really.  This guy was beyond not my type.  When I tell my waiting mother about the date and sudden onset  of nausea.  Did she ask if I wanted a gingerale?  Give me an Alka  Seltzer?  Perhaps suggest I go lay down and never see this guy again due to the fact I’m allergic to him?  Nope, just the opposite.

Mom  called me “vain”, made me feel shallow, and told me I should continue  dating this guy cause he was nice and blah, blah, blah.  So after some Pepto and an internal reevaluation of my priorities, I did.  For 2 years.

After every date or encounter, my body  grew numb.  Attraction no longer mattered.  It was mind over matter.  My mother was happy because he was smart, polite, a walking nitwit, but I  wasn’t.

At least he was still at my beck and call?  Nope, wrong again.   He turned into one of the biggest assholes I ever dated.  You see, most  (unattractive) nice guys stop being nice when they get what they  want.  It’s all a ploy.  In fact, they turn extra not nice with a dash  of prick.  But just like the WB frog, this side of them is for your eyes only. So while I was slowly losing my mind, my mother still adored him and his kiss assy ways.

Now, does physical attraction conquer all?  No.  Absolutely not!  You just have to be attracted to the person.  That attraction can be garnered from someone making you laugh like a hyena a few times a day, amazing personality, selfless acts, personal motivation, etc… Something inside you needs to think “sexy”, even though he/she may not be modeling anytime soon.

But, you should never force yourself to be attracted to someone you aren’t.  If you do, it will lead to confusion, time wasted, and premature grey hairs.

Anyone have a similar story?  Are you still in a forced physical relationship or did you break out?

Would love to hear from you!

*help me rule the world and follow me on twitter: @angiegomez1010 *

Dating… realistic expectations

I guess he’ll do

Hi there!  In reading countless online dating profiles, I’ve noticed a trend that keeps rearing it’s ugly head: unrealistic expectations.  It’s great if you think you are the cat’s meow, but not everyone feels the same.  Today’s blog topic will hopefully help some of you tone it down a bit and help you find that nice, cushy, middle ground.

This is not limited to online daters.  I’ve come across plenty of people outside of cyberspace with ridiculous expectations as well.  Online profiles are just easier to address since their requisites are right there in black and white.  Let us look at some examples:

1) You are an attractive man who is a sales executive  You go online, looking for love and fill out the “about her” section a little too vigorously.

It’s ok to find someone similar to you in looks and background.

It’s not ok to limit yourself to CEO’s  in their late 20’s who read to the blind every other night, and model bikinis on the weekends.  I actually read a profile requesting that his “match” know at least 3 languages.  If that type of superwoman existed, what makes you think she would want to go out with you?

2) You are a professional basket weaver who is divorced with 3 kids under the age of 10 and not in the best shape of your life.

It’s ok to find someone similar to you in looks and background.

It’s not ok to only limit yourself to doctors and lawyers who have never been married (cause you don’t want to deal with that mess), and are child free (cause boo boo has to take care of you and yours only).

Over the years, I’ve ran into both men and women, that have unrealistic expectations of qualities they want in their future partner.  Ladies would tell me they wouldn’t go out on a second date with someone because there wasn’t an “instant spark” when they first laid eyes on the person.  I would look at them, confused and asked them to elaborate.  They would literally describe an actual “spark”.  Something that you only see in romantic comedies.  Say wha?  You are only limiting yourself to an ideal so ridiculous, it’s only played out in movie theaters.

Then I have guy friends obsessing over “naturally hot girls” who look like Barbie when they wake up.  They should be as close to being a virgin as possible yet miraculously able to recreate porn scenes without a hitch.  Of course, they also need to be multi-orgasmic and help the poor in their spare time.

The above sort of reminds me of an episode I saw on Millionaire Matchmaker.  Patti wanted to set up a millionairess who looked to be morbidly obese.  It didn’t help that her favorite color was pink and decorated her, everything, with Hello Kitty.  She felt her ideal match would be a Jewish Matthew Mcconaughey.  Somehow Patti worked her magic and found someone closely resembling him (although he wasn’t Jewish).  Patti also found another match not resembling Matthew at all.  He resembled a mob hitman but was very sweet and absolutely smitten with the millionairess on their mini-date.

Millionairess picked non Jewish Matthew.  On their date he asked for a hand job under the dinner table.  He also asked for a loan to start his business.  It was also later discovered millionairess brought him a motorcycle.  He rode off into the sunset never to be heard from again.

In closing, it’s great to feel confident, be confident, and have high expectations… but be realistic as well.  If you only limit yourself to supermodels, you better be a rock star.
Do any of you know someone who sounds like the above?  Do you tell them to simma down, or just mechanically nod your head?  Who saw the Millionaire Matchmaker episode?  Thoughts?  Are you someone like the above?  Is it working out for you?

Would love to hear from you!

*help me rule the world and follow me on twitter: @angiegomez1010 *

What’s with the lack of personality in an online date?

arrrr…sexy girl…sexy…sex

Hi there!  Let’s talk about a new epidemic that’s infected men of the online dating world.  This would be: Lack Of Personality Simplex II (LOPSII).  That’s the official name.  Symptoms vary and can include anything from lack of a sense of humor, passion, sensibility, knowledge, etiquette, fashion sense… and most commonly a combination of all the above in varying degrees.  The only human urge left is horniness.  This virus is tricky because it remains dormant during email and phone correspondence but emerges when subject is “on a date”.

Before hubby and I met, I’ve been fortunate enough to encounter men infected by this virus.  Don’t worry,  it’s only contagious through an exchange of body fluids and trust me, there was no chance of that happening.  I say it was fortunate I met these guys for two main reasons.  1) They make for good writing material and 2) I ate for free (not really for free since my time was wasted, but whatever), which allowed me to keep my girly figure for future dates.

Some of these men were fairly handsome (although not as handsome as their online pic), and others were a complete physical lie.  Their personalities were no help.

As I sat looking at these dates from across the table, I felt confused and befuddled (yes, I know that means the same thing).  How is it possible we exchanged witty banter and hearty laughs over the phone and now I was struggling to stay awake and not drown in my soup? The dates looked back at me in silence and with a little drool.

Here is some advice I would give the not so strong silent types out there with online dating jitters:

  1. Be yourself!  The reason why we are going out of our way to meet you in a public place instead of watching our favorite TV show is because we found you charming
  2. It’s ok to laugh out loud… a lot.  It’s actually an aphrodisiac when you laugh at our jokes
  3. The less “classically handsome” you are, the more stunning your personality needs to be.  This acts as a bright light to blind us from your bad wardrobe choice and chinless face
  4. You have to pay on the first date… otherwise there is not even a glimmer of hope for a second date
  5. Please don’t say we look sexy.  Instead, say we look beautiful… big difference
  6. Don’t creep us out with your stare
  7. Don’t check out other girls… or have us catch you checking out other girls

Ever talked to a stud on the phone who turned out to be a dud in person?  What happened?  Guys, do you have similar experiences with the ladies?

Would love to hear from you!

*help me rule the world and follow me on twitter: @angiegomez1010 *

 

 

Whole wheat chocolate blueberry muffin cake

Whole wheat chocolate blueberry muffin cake montage (whew…that’s a mouthful):

As easy as 3… After the sheet pan of deliciousness and so very close to my tastebuds

Numbers are a countdown.  The closer this beauty is to my mouth, the more appealing the picture… hence why I start with the finished product and work my way back (yum yum yum… can you understand my train of thought)?

2… Before the spoon of goodness and after the sheet pan of deliciousness

1… Before the plate of holy scrumptious and after the oven of yumz

And now:

Hello!  I made this hodgepodge of deliciousness before.  Now that I can say for certain how a-m-a-z-i-n-g it really is, I’ll share it with you.  Below is the ever so wonderful: Whole wheat chocolate blueberry muffin cake:

What you need:

1 carton of blueberries (approx 1 1/2 cup of bb) (fresh or defrosted, your pick)

1 1/2 cup semi sweet chocolate chips (cc)

2 cups whole wheat flour

1/4 cup all purpose flour

1 1/2 cups brown sugar + a, extra handful reserved to sprinkle on top of cake

1 1/2 sticks unsalted butter (room temp)

1 tablespoon pure vanilla extract

1/2 rounded teaspoon kosher salt

2 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1 cup heavy cream

3 eggs

What to do:

Preheat your oven to 350degrees.

Mix butter with brown sugar until incorporated throughout.  I used a fork (cause I’m too lazy to set up my food processor and quite honestly can’t remember what cabinet it’s in.  I also figure the exercise burns some calories that I’m about to inhale pretty shortly).

Then add flour, salt, baking soda, and baking powder.  Mix (again, still used a fork), until fully incorporated.  The end result should look like little grains of peas.  Form a well in the center.

In a separate bowl, mix eggs with vanilla (I used another fork).  Pour in center of well.  Next add heavy cream.  Mix all together.  (I only had a splash of heavy cream left and made up the rest with 2% milk…still came out scrumptious.. although my brain tells me it would have probably come out a bit richer with the cream.

Once batter is smooth looking, add in cc’s and bb’s.  This I folded in the batter with a wooden spoon so I wouldn’t damage the berries too much.

Grease a *pan (think mine was around 12″ x 8″), or so with butter (you can use the wrapper from the used butter sticks).  Pour in batter.  Use a wooden spoon to spread out batter evenly in pan.  Grab the handful of brown sugar you reserved and sprinkle on top.  Put in 350 degree oven for approx 1/2 hour (should be done between 25-35 min pending on strentgh of your oven).  You know it’s done when the top is a nice brown and middle is not wobbly.  Enjoy!

*Note: I used a sheet pan because I never have muffin papers handy, but by all means, feel free to use them if you have

Make this for your family, online date, non-online date, friends, enemies, frenemies, school board, classmates, political candidates (that you love of course), and especially yourself…yum yum yum!

Tell me what you think…would love to hear from you!

*help me rule the world and follow me on twitter: @angiegomez1010 *

Don’t be that girl… the office hoochie

Mad Men

Yup, just like that      (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hola!  Last night, I started reminiscing about my time in corporate America (probably because I haven’t been inside a grey felt cubicle for some time now).  I started feeling nostalgic over the team work pods, 2pm snacks, mundane meetings, the supervisor with gnarly breath, and of course… the resident office hoochie.  Today’s blog post will be on “her” and why you should never, ever, be that girl.

Once upon a time in midtown Manhattan, I was young and spry.  Plus I worked in advertising.  Imagine a modern day Mad Men with denim and guitar hero, and without ashtrays on our desks.  Now this wasn’t just any advertising, but online advertising.  This meant everyone in the office was about 20 something years old…except for the group partners.  They were long in the tooth at 30 something years old.

Because we were young and in the ad world, we had plenty of rep parties in between excel sheet nightmares.  Sometimes these parties were after work, and sometimes they were during.  It was not uncommon for people to be drinking a beer, write a quarterly report, and eat a cupcake in their work pod…all simultaneously.

At the time, one of my good guy friends happened to be working there.  We would chat it up daily during these office parties.  One day he told me there was this “girl” he just met that invited him out to an office happy hour.

Reluctantly, he met her.  I say reluctantly because my guy friend was into girls who looked like Barbie and this “girl” looked anything but.  He just wanted a new friend.  Turns out this girl had a plan.  Get my buddy wasted and make out with him.  Her plan worked perfectly.

After telling me his shame, lo and behold, said make-out buddy appeared.  I couldn’t believe buddy was referring to her.  It was our resident office hoochie and buddy was one of her victims.

You know the type, the overly chatty girl with an MO.  She would stalk newbie guys in the office, invite them to happy hour (knowing very well they were at a vulnerable stage and wanted to “make new friends”), get them loaded, and make out with them shamelessly.  She would then cling to them like lint on a sweater until they wised up and ran for the hills… only to have the cycle repeat itself with another unsuspecting new hire.

Normally, I would feel bad for this type of girl, but she never seemed to learn from her mistakes.  Plus she gave me death stares all day long.  Plus she smelled a little.

So I did the only thing I could do, talk and giggle about her slutty, smelly ways (behind her back), and playfully hold my buddy’s arm when she was in our line of vision.

Reasons why you should never be the office hoochie:

  1. No one respects you
  2. The reason people go silent when you walk by is because they were all talking about you
  3. Your walk of shame will not be brief.  It will be Mon-Fri, during work hours
  4. Running after guys causes you to perspire and makes you smelly
  5. You don’t want to alienate all the girls in the office
  6. Being the butt of a joke can get get to you after a while

Go online dating immediately and stop attacking the new guys.

And if you’re still on the fence: Before there was online dating, there was… the office romance

Anyone out there have a similar story?  Was there ever an office hoochie intervention?

Would love to hear from you!