Before there was online dating, there was… the wingman

I was like Ike

Hola!  The bad boy post brought up memories (too many), of past horrors.  One in particular was this blonde maniac I met as he was playing wingman.  Or maybe it was when I was playing wingwoman.  There were flashing techno lights, lemon drop shots, and a DJ wearing sunglasses in the dark, I’m lucky I remembered my own name.

Bestie was talking to someone while I was checking out maniacs cool dance moves.  He was buff, dressed like he cared, and had rhythm.  Plus, he was pretty aggressive in letting me know how hot I was.  Plus I wanted bestie to get her groove on.  I didn’t stand a chance.

We started dancing together, when all of a sudden, he said something wildly inappropriate.  I don’t remember what exactly, since the smog machine was filling my head with vanilla scented clouds and I had about 25 shots, but I do remember it was wildly absurd, I did the only thing I could… slapped him straight across the face.

If you can imagine, his gorgeous head jerked to the side, and as if his neck was made out of rubber, snapped right back… with a smile.  He seemed to enjoy it.  Because of the 25 shots, I continued dancing with him, forgot I got all Ike Turner, and think I even slapped him again for fun… much to his delight.  After about 30 shots, I gave him my number with promises to go on a real date.  I know, I know… I must have eaten too much glitter off my lips.

Believe it or not, I was excited for him to call.  He did, a few times and after several conversations, we set a date.  Wow, did I actually meet a guy at the same time bestie did?  Did bestie even set up a date with the guy she was chatting with?  Where is bestie?  I lost track of her half the night so who can really say… it was all a blur made up of fancy dance moves.

The day of the date, maniac called and cancelled with a lame excuse.  Wow, if that wasn’t God looking out for my best interest, then I don’t know what was.

Here are some reasons online dating is better than hooking up with a wingman:

  1. There are no techno lights flashing, hard alcohol flying, smoke machine pumping, and trannies in platforms blocking your better judgement… unless your living room is amazing
  2. Your computer cannot say inappropriate things to you
  3. You do not have to worry about an assault charge
  4. When you meet someone online, it’s usually because they are interested in you… not to help their friend get laid
  5. You don’t have to monitor your friend and care about their physical safety
  6. Going online does not cause painful hangovers
  7. If a wingman cancels last minute, you already have 5 other online dates lined up

What are some of your wingman/woman stories?  Ever got stuck talking to someone against your better judgement out of the kindness of your heart (for the sake of your buddy)?  What happened?

Would love to hear from you!

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7 responses to “Before there was online dating, there was… the wingman

  1. I am always having to deal with wingmen because I have a gorgeous best friend. The first one I screamed at because he asked my friend if it was good that her dad had died >.<. The second one at the same bar gave me his number with digits missing, and told me to guess them. I told him no, so he crossed out his number. My friend owes me one!

  2. Pingback: Before there was online dating, there was… the unattractive hook up | How to Online Date

  3. This mad me LOL! I hate talking to wingman and I let them know with scowls and my nose in the air. I know, I suck as a wingwoman.

  4. Pingback: What’s with the lack of personality in an online date? | How to Online Date

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