Forced relationships… are they worth it?

I want you… right. now.

Hi there!  In some responses I’ve received over my last post as well as reading through some of your own posts, a new blog idea developed.  Today’s blog topic will be: Should I make out with an ugly nice guy?  Or the more kosher title: Forced relationships… are they worth it?  The short answer to that is no.

Let me take you back many many years ago when I was forced into dating an ugly duckling.

Many moons ago… in highschool, I was friends with this guy.  He was very sweet, gave me anything I asked for, kept up his grades, and seemed to have unusually great chemistry with anyone of authority (ie: teachers, parents, and local police loved his kiss assy ways… maybe he grew up into a sleazy politician?).    However, he was not what you would call classically handsome.

Over the course of our friendship, I started noticing his eyes would glaze over when he looked at me.  Much like a puppy’s eyes when he’s about ready to eat some chow, or a dog in heat…your pick.  It was probably the belly shirt my mother didn’t know I  had on.

Eventually, he asked me out.  Asked me out?  Yuck!  I would never go out with someone like him (I told a group of my closest girlfriends).  Is he serious?  My guilt told me I should go out on one date with him (apparently, I was a social worker even at a young age).

It was pleasant enough…. until he dropped me off in front of my door, and gave me a quick peck on the mouth…  right then and there, I immediately felt like barfing.

Am I exaggerating?  No, not really.  This guy was beyond not my type.  When I tell my waiting mother about the date and sudden onset  of nausea.  Did she ask if I wanted a gingerale?  Give me an Alka  Seltzer?  Perhaps suggest I go lay down and never see this guy again due to the fact I’m allergic to him?  Nope, just the opposite.

Mom  called me “vain”, made me feel shallow, and told me I should continue  dating this guy cause he was nice and blah, blah, blah.  So after some Pepto and an internal reevaluation of my priorities, I did.  For 2 years.

After every date or encounter, my body  grew numb.  Attraction no longer mattered.  It was mind over matter.  My mother was happy because he was smart, polite, a walking nitwit, but I  wasn’t.

At least he was still at my beck and call?  Nope, wrong again.   He turned into one of the biggest assholes I ever dated.  You see, most  (unattractive) nice guys stop being nice when they get what they  want.  It’s all a ploy.  In fact, they turn extra not nice with a dash  of prick.  But just like the WB frog, this side of them is for your eyes only. So while I was slowly losing my mind, my mother still adored him and his kiss assy ways.

Now, does physical attraction conquer all?  No.  Absolutely not!  You just have to be attracted to the person.  That attraction can be garnered from someone making you laugh like a hyena a few times a day, amazing personality, selfless acts, personal motivation, etc… Something inside you needs to think “sexy”, even though he/she may not be modeling anytime soon.

But, you should never force yourself to be attracted to someone you aren’t.  If you do, it will lead to confusion, time wasted, and premature grey hairs.

Anyone have a similar story?  Are you still in a forced physical relationship or did you break out?

Would love to hear from you!

*help me rule the world and follow me on twitter: @angiegomez1010 *

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12 responses to “Forced relationships… are they worth it?

  1. sayitgoodsayitright

    great post, i have never had a forced relationship. I’m the leave them before you’re left kinda gal the moment i start to doubt it. Take a look at my blog, some posts on dating to. http://www.sayitgoodsayitright.wordpress.com

  2. I agree with you, short answer (and the only answer) should always be no. =)

  3. People should never enter a relationship where significant factors are lacking or present depending on the situation. In your case it would have always been dangerous getting into that kind of relationship and that can lead to infidelity and hurting the feelings of a genuine soul

  4. Great post, I admit a girl I have started dated recently is not a “stunner”. This however is irrelevant, she is completely lovely and amazing

  5. What about those freakin annoying situations where you know you SHOULD like him cos he’s genuinely sweet, gorgeous, funny etc but the ‘spark’ just isn’t there? So maddening! You can’t manufacture SPARK. It’s either there or it’s not. Oh, the elusive spark…

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